


oh change will come

by ShippingEverything



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Implied Underage, M/M, inspired (once again) by twitter, telling you rn that max dies, this is sad and I wrote it while I was stranded w/o wifi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 10:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lot happens in the time between when Hanschen turns 13 and when he turns 14.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh change will come

**Author's Note:**

  * For [howveryzoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/howveryzoe/gifts).



> Title from the fob song (Coffee's For Closers), "Though change will come/Oh change will come/I will never believe in anything again"
> 
> This is my interpretation of why musical Hanschen is such a dick, including a character from the play. This is 100% zoes fault blame her

When Hans Rilow is 13, he meets Max Von Trenk.

Max Von Trenk is willowy--not just tall, but like a tree stripped of its leaves: thin and weak and bare. Max is sickly, but not enough that he cannot go to school and participate in gym, and that's where Hans meets him; even when he's tripped flat on his face in grass, gasping in breaths like he's drowning, Max is beautiful to Hans. Hans is intrigued even more when the boy denies assistance and goes back to running with them.

"If I can't keep up, my mother won't let me go to school," Max says simply, after Hans has slowed down and asked why he kept going, "I can't afford to give up."

And, when Hans Rilow is just barely 13 years old, he falls a little bit in love.

* * *

 

Max is the first person to call Hans "Hanschen". It spread through their year after Moritz Steifel overhears their whispering and, well, Hanschen cannot very well say _"Max is my lover and only he is allowed to call me that,"_ now can he?

But still, despite how all the boys--and even some of the girls--now call him Hanschen, its different when its just he and Max and _"Hanschen, please, I love you"_ falls from Max's lips like its a prayer.

After they're done, when they're cleaned up and working on their homework between quiet declarations of love and chaste kisses, Hanschen murmurs prayers of his own. _Please, please, let them be wrong. Let this not be a sin. How can it be a sin if I love him _so much_?_

It cannot be, Hanschen resolves to himself. If he is so in love, there is _no way_ this can be a sin.

* * *

 

Max has always been sickly but this is different. He's been convulsing ( _As though his body were possessed by a demon_ , Hanschen's traitorous mind supplies) and he coughed up some blood the other day and his fever is through the roof and Hanschen can only see him after school--and not for long, even then--and _Please let him live! I'll never touch him, never _look_ at him, ever again, just save his life, please!_ and-

And there is a gaping hole in Hanschen's chest. The doctor says that Max will be fine by the end of the week but Hanschen cannot help but feel that every "I love you" he whispers to Max may be the last.

* * *

 

Max dies on a Thursday.

He'd been sick for nearly a month and Hanschen had been skipping school to stay with him. _Brain fever_ , the doctor had whispered to Max's mother, _Nearly incurable_ , and Hanschen had blinked back hot tears from spilling onto Max's weakly slumbering body.

Even though Max had been nearly always sleeping in the weeks leading up to his death, he did not go quietly. He jerked and screamed and writhed, Hanschen holding his hand and whispering prayers the entire time.

Hanschen holds onto his hand long after it goes still, so long that Fräulein Von Trenk comes and tells him that he has to leave.

Hanschen walks, his feet leading him to the schoolhouse automatically. Hanschen wants to be alone, but all the private places that he knows are places that he had gone with Max and-

Hanschen enters the school.

Herr Sonnenstich asks him where he's been and Hanschen clears his throat, voice raw from days of wracking sobs and the way that he had screamed when Max finally breathed his last, and says "Sir, Max Von Trenk has died of brain fever."

Hanschen expects a spark of sadness or shock, even pity would be okay at this point, but Herr Sonnenstich only rolls his eyes. "I did not ask about Max Von Trenk's absences, Herr Rilow."

Hanschen is at a loss for words. "I- I was there. With him. Until he died. Sir."

Herr Sonnenstich sighs, like this whole conversation is a burden on him. "Well, Herr Rilow, you have two weeks of work to make up. I expect to see you after school."

"But, _sir_ , Max-"

"We will all attend Herr Von Trenk's funeral, Herr Rilow, but I recommend that you take your seat now, before you fall even more behind."

Hanschen blinks. Once out of disbelief and another time to fight the tears threatening to break free. He murmurs a quick, "Yes, Herr Sonnenstich," before retreating to his seat. Hanschen has never been so glad to sit in the back of the room, where there's no one behind him to witness the silent shaking of his shoulders.

* * *

 

Father Kaulbach speaks at Max's funeral. He talks of Max's achievements in school, of his church attendance record and his charity to the poor. He does not speak of how sweet and kind Max was, how strong, how dependable, how loving.

 _This is a sham,_ Hanschen thinks, _None of these people care about him. They just want to add another good deed to their own funeral speech_.

Hanschen looks at the beautiful church, at the exquisite flowers, at the ladies in their prettiest dresses--dabbing their eyes at exactly the right times--and at the men in their best suits--sad but not _too_ sad. The pastor talks about how genuine of a young man that Max was and Hanschen nearly laughs at the irony, the hypocrisy. Nothing about this funeral is genuine.

Hanschen does not cry, because he is sitting beside Fräulein Von Trenk at the front of the church and she is sobbing enough for the both of them. Hanschen does not cry because Max had told him, only hours before he died, "I love you, Hanschen, please don't be sad, please don't cry," and if his prayers to an uncaring god could not save Max, then the least Hanschen can do is not cry during Max's final send off.

Fräulein Von Trenk insists that Hanschen be a pallbearer.

"You were his closest friend," She says with a pat on his shoulder, like it is of any consolation. "He would've wanted you to be one of his pallbearers."

When Hanschen Rilow is very nearly 14 years old, he helps lower the body of Max Von Trenk into the ground. When Hanschen Rilow is nearly 14, he stops believing in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me. i was listening to Bare while i was writing this, so blame that.
> 
> Also i know little to nothing about brain fever so idk if its displayed accurately here 
> 
> I wrote and published this on my phone, so if there are mistakes: tell me

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [we are not shining stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168307) by [ShippingEverything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything)




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